Melancholy Coaching Podcast
✨ Welcome to the Melancholy Coaching Podcast! I'm Fran, your host and NLP coach.
Join me as I interview inspiring business owners and self-improvement seekers about their experiences. Do you have an inspirational story to tell?
Please send an email to info@melancholymentor.com to apply as one of my valued guests.
Melancholy Coaching Podcast
Embracing Authenticity - The Journey Of CHé Hunter
✨ Meet CHé, a courageous trans man who has overcome decades of trauma to embrace his true self. He shares his inspiring story of self-discovery, healing, and growth, along with his hopes and goals for the future.
Join us for a powerful conversation about resilience, authenticity, and living your truth.
You can connect to CHé in the following way ⬇️
https://www.instagram.com/che_dorizmedia
#inspiration #authenticity #lgbtqia #nlpcoaching
For more about what I do ➡️ www.melancholymentor.com
If you are interested in being a guest and have an inspirational story to tell, then drop me an email at info@melancholymentor.com
#nlpcoach #inspiration #motivation #business #personaldevelopment
Hello everyone, welcome to the Melancholy Coaching Podcast. I'm Fran, your host and NLP coach. Join me as I interview inspiring business owners and self-improvement seekers about their experiences, while delving into personal development, motivation and strategies for overcoming challenges. Let's ignite our creative potential together overcoming challenges.
Fran:Let's ignite our creative potential together. Hello and welcome to the Melancholy Coaching Podcast. I'm Fran, your NLP coach, and I'm delighted to introduce an inspiring guest, a courageous trans man who has navigated a challenging and transformative journey of self-discovery and authenticity Through decades of trauma. Che has worked tirelessly to embrace his true self, finding healing and growth along the way. A social worker by day and a passionate gig photographer when he has the energy, which I'm sure is all the time actually Che welcome to the show.
Fran:I'd like to have you here it's nice to be here what's this about? Like when you have the energy?
CHé:it is when I have the energy, because actually I don't. Sometimes I just don't have the energy to actually do it yeah. I, I get it.
Fran:I kind of get that. Yeah, I kind of get that, because sometimes it isn't just about physical energy.
CHé:It's emotional energy. You have to focus, you have to be and I actually have an anxiety as well. So you know, having anxiety and having to put on a performance, I just sometimes it's just like actually I don't have enough energy to actually do that. And through the process of me accepting me, I've also learned to actually, if I don't, if I feel like something's not right, then don't do it.
Fran:Yeah, which is a very emotionally intelligent thing to do, you know, to actually realize that as human beings we've got that capability that we can choose where we put in our energy.
CHé:Um, yeah, but it takes a long time at times to actually learn that and actually listen to ourselves and our bodies and minds, and I think you have to actually get to a level of acceptance and healing before you're actually able to do that.
Fran:To be honest, that's from my experience anyway this leads nicely into what I want to ask you. So thank you for for joining me on this podcast today. What I'm going to do is ask you three kind of questions that I've prepared. We're just going to chat around it. Okay, because I quite like a little bit of structure and I love working from templates. Like my whole day is like a template. Otherwise I would literally just wander off and be found magically skipping through a forest somewhere, you know, and I won't get anything done, but I don't see nothing wrong with that. Well, it's, you know, it's fine sometimes, just not when I'm actually getting. So my first question for you, which what we've just been talking about leads kind of nicely into it so can you share a little bit about your journey, what are some of your biggest challenges that you faced during your transition, and about having the strength to move forward?
CHé:so this is not probably going to be a short answer for everyone, everybody's, everybody's.
Fran:Um version of a little bit is going to vary yeah, well, mine's not going to be a little bit.
CHé:This is a long bit. So actually I was. I was eight when I first knew that I was different. I asked my mum why I didn't have an Adam's apple, why I wasn't born the same way as my brother, and I was laughed at. I was told I was stupid. I was told I'm a girl and this is like when was this? This has been like 1981. So this was like, you know, people weren't accepting, people weren't, you know, coming up to the AIDS epidemic and you know all of the stuff, maggie Thatcher in power and all of that. So everything was like, hey, change difference. And I eventually came out as a lesbian, because that's what I thought I must be, because I can't be a guy, because that's not things that happen. There was nobody around that you know in my day, basically, that I was aware of. We didn't have social media in none of that stuff. So you know anything that you'd read about.
Fran:There wasn't a role model as such.
CHé:No, there wasn't a role model.
CHé:And so I assumed I was a lesbian, lived as a lesbian through the majority of my adult life and, yeah, it just wasn't right. I always knew it wasn't right, but I had no words to actually move forward. I think there was for me. I think I had my own internal transphobia, because it was stuff that I'd learned, yeah, um, that I. I continued until I actually had coaching. I had you know, I still have this amazing mentor that I learned that I had my own internal transphobia, learned from others.
CHé:So it wasn't until that point that, when I started my journey, that I was actually able to address that and actually work through that. So I first came out as non-binary in February 2024. And I believe that now, after a long process not very long for some, but a long for me I did that to actually not just protect myself but actually in some way protect others and be kinder, if you like. So I'm married to a trans woman who unfortunately, wasn't as accepting as I'd hoped, and that was me coming out as non-binary, and society around me. I was scared, I was very scared. So then I started on my social, medical transition as a non-binary person, but it wasn't enough and it wasn't until I started the the talking with my mentor and unpacking some of my early childhood trauma.
Fran:I was just going to go there. Do you know what I was just going to say? That I love that you've got a mentor and I love that you brought that up. As a coach myself, I'm a big advocate for people who are having coaching. A lot of people don't understand what mentoring is or what coaching is, and it can really help guide you, because a mentor isn't there to tell you what to do. A mentor's there to help you discover what you've already got within yourself and to work through that, because quite often we have a lot of unpacking to do, don't we?
CHé:yeah, and it's not you sit and you reflect back on that, that you actually understand the trauma and how it stays in your body. This is my experience and it just stayed in my body and it came out as real self-hate. You know, I really did not like myself and it's only now that I can actually say, actually, I love myself. I have never been able to say that in 50 years, but now I can, because I do.
Fran:I generally do love you are you ready for a little challenge? Yes, yes, I've got a question for you then are you? Able? It's not. You know I'm going rogue. What can I say? Oh, fran, it's not on my list. When you say you love yourself, yes, beautiful thing. Are you able to look in the mirror yes, actually at yourself, yes, and say I love you? Yes, because that's a massive step, isn't it? I?
CHé:do that and I've only been able to do that in the last six months. It's very powerful. Yes, it is, and I talk to myself in the mirror. You know if you know I I do have periods of anxiety, but I'm able to talk through. Know, I'm a trans guy. Yeah, I know my path, I know where I'm going, but it's taken 50 years to get to this point.
Fran:You know, now I'm 52 and I'm actually living me yes, because we don't, you know, we don't come with the tools and techniques to help ourselves. That's what we need guidance over. So once you're ready to, you can find that from within yourself, but until then you get it from you know a role model or a coach or a mentor or a guide because you can then build up those resources and those, that toolkit that you can actually lean into, that helps support yourself mentally and physically.
CHé:Yeah, I also sorry to interrupt. I also had to heal that past trauma and work through that and again with past trauma.
Fran:Past trauma can't be healed until you accept that you want to. No, even somebody guiding you can't make you do that no can't even have guidance unless you give yourself permission that you can go there, and quite often we don't realize exactly the root of the trauma. Yeah, because there's too many other things layered on top. So it's, it's kind of it's. I believe that it is a process that we work through and I don't think that we're we're ever finished no, I completely agree.
CHé:I think for me, one of the biggest things was I grew up thinking I was stupid. That was huge, and that's because of what I was told, not just because of my identity. I'm dyslexic. I've only recently been diagnosed with ADHD. You know all those things. Growing up, I was actually just labeled as stupid in comparison to my twin brother, you know, because I had different. Oh, now here we go twin, I have a twin brother right, okay, so not just sibling a twin.
CHé:So therefore there's presumably there's even more comparison yes, okay, what is interesting is my face shape has started to change and I look a bit more like him, which is is really quite bizarre.
CHé:But yes, so my mother never wanted a girl and recently I will share this because actually recently I found out where she lived and actually wrote to her and it was cathartic for me because I needed to and actually introduced myself as her son and I said and I know, you never wanted a daughter, well, you never had one, but you didn't listen, ouch. Yeah, because I needed to say this from me. Yeah, I never expected a response from her. I didn't actually actually, I don't believe I actually wanted one, but I needed to say my story because she's never listened to me and just needed it out of my, my body and give it back to her. And I said to her that you know the door is, is there, if you want to knock on it, it doesn't mean I'm gonna let you in did she no and I, but I didn't expect that's fine, but the invitation's there, but before I just said, the door was always open.
Fran:No, actually the door is there for you to knock on, so I think that's a different changing your mindset yeah is huge in your healing for me letter writing, putting things actually into words, like formulating words, writing whether it's journaling or, you know, writing letters is actually a really good process to do. And just for anybody listening, if you have got those things inside of you, if this is striking a chord with you in any way, and you've got those those things that you you need or want to say inside of you and you you cannot or you feel in any way that you can't actually physically send a letter because you don't know where somebody is or you really don't want to go, that you can still write it. You can still write it. You can still write it. You can still get that out onto paper, whether that's in a journal, whether you then burn it, bury it, keep it, you can write these letters, you can write these things anyway without them actually being sent.
CHé:Yeah, they don't have to go anywhere, it just gets it out of you. And I think through my journey I've started to write poetry, I've started to journal, you know, and getting it out. Actually, you know, there were some friggin dark moments. I was not in a great place. September, october, before surgery, I really wasn't in a good place and I'm not afraid to actually say that, but my world around me as I knew it was crumbling down. My relationship had broken down with my wife you know who I knew myself previously, wasn't there anymore and I was learning new ways to, you know, go about the world, manage the world. There were challenges in work that were horrendous about just because of my identity there, you know, challenges with people that I thought were friends, you know. But and I hit a real low and that time, actually, that's when I found Alex, my coach, and was able to process some of that stuff and actually realized that it wasn't me.
Fran:This was a lot of stuff that I'd accepted from other people, like the shame and and that finding the the strength to to move forward was really the place that you were at at the time, and then reaching out for a mentor because you were ready yeah, I knew that I was destined to stay on this planet.
CHé:I don't know if this makes sense to some people, but it does to me. I knew my life wasn't over, it was just beginning and I knew I needed somebody to support in that. And yeah, for whatever happened, the universe brought myself and Alex together and it was the match that I needed.
Fran:Yeah.
CHé:And yeah, I'm not sure what would have happened if I hadn't met him at that point, but we were destined to meet at that point.
Fran:I believe that Something else would have happened Something else, something else would have happened, you know there's so many things Something else.
CHé:The universe is amazing and you have to believe and you have to trust in your journey and where it's taking you. That's what I've, you know, that's how I'm starting to grow and that's what I'm starting to believe more and more is our paths.
Fran:You know, there is a lot of there's a, there's a lot that we are being directed to, and if we just accept it, yeah, I, I completely hear you on it, because I truly believe that, as human beings, we're all on our own journey, we're all on our own path and we can get kind of a little bit lost in the stereotypical norms or in just how busy life gets within itself, so that you're just more or less existing because your days roll on and on, because you're just, you're just getting by and that's, that's okay as well. Now that there's no right or wrong in any of this, you know we've reached these stages when we're ready to, and that's why, within our timelines, this could have happened younger or even later in life. You know there's there's no right or wrong to it. It's embracing the journey, isn't it?
CHé:and I think that's that's important is because there's never, you know, my time was now my time. I wasn't ready then, exactly exactly even even though I knew in my mind that I was different to how I was born. You know, there were, you know, the social norms, everything else put on me that didn't fit with me. But my time was not then.
Fran:Yeah, I like this because this leads beautifully on to my next question, my next planned question anyway. So what message or insight would you like to share with others who are in the midst of their own journeys of self-discovery and transition? So it needn't necessarily be a transition, as in, you know, becoming trans.
CHé:It's just that, that transition of life everybody's journey is different and we might be similar in very many ways. Yeah, it's very different. Another trans person's journey completely different to mine. You know another cis person's journey, completely different to the next door neighbors, you know whatever it's like. Another social worker's journey, completely different. Just because we have these, you know these labels, it doesn't mean our journeys are going to be the same.
Fran:So it's actually, I would say it's, about embracing your journey, listening to yourself and reaching out for that support as and when you need it and getting yourself to a place of safety whether that's in your mind or whether that's physically where you can reach out for help if you need it.
CHé:So it's those resources it has to be safe definitely has to be a safe space, because if you're not safe you can't actually delve deep enough to actually get those things. Maybe not reconciled completely, because I don't think I've I don't know if I'll ever reconcile lots of things, but actually at peace.
Fran:So I think you have to see that's, that's the important thing that's been let's talk about me now, because that's been like my. My thing in life is that inner peace, because I've always felt in turmoil through, you know, my own life journey, my own experiences, and it was that peace that I felt that I was missing. And I now feel very peaceful because I've got to that stage in my life and I've learned how to have the tools and techniques to help to support myself in what I want. So my intention for how I feel is peaceful. Somebody else's intention or desire for how they feel could be different, or it could be different linked to a different emotion or something like that, and it's it's not always easy to find that place that we search, is it?
CHé:and because you have inner peace at some points doesn't mean it's always going to be peaceful, but you can actually it's that continuity, isn't it? It's that continuity and you can hold on to that because you've actually known it once. You can go back to that and that's what I'm learning and I don't think I'll ever stop learning. I think if we ever stop learning, you probably die, you know. I think, for life is a journey and life is a learning journey well, you keep learning, you're, you're forming new neural pathways you know, keeps you, not only keeps your brain sharp, but you've actually, you can learn things at any age.
CHé:You know you could or you can relearn things at any age and I've learned so much about myself in this journey, you know, and and stuff that I actually don't think I would be ready for if I, if I, was younger. So another thing is actually, it's never too late to actually start on a new pathway. I'm now, you know, 50.
Fran:I actually, oh, hang on a minute 50. What now? 52? I'm still the elder here. I'm still the elder.
CHé:I feel I'm 52 but I feel like I'm in my 30s. I feel much younger than I, yeah, actually ever probably have done it when I was 50. I you know, I think you know that's because of the self-acceptance, that actually self-love. I don't feel the numbers, I don't think actually they're relevant in many ways, but I think for others I think it's actually it's never too late to start change, never too late to start looking at change, to actually be your authentic self so I I also believe, a lot of the time we we take on other identities as such.
Fran:So, from the moment we're little, even if we're from a loving environment, you know. So there's no blame here. There's. You know, we're going with the no right or wrong thing, no blame. Even when we're little, we take on oh, you're very good, or you're this, or you're that, and that becomes our identity. It can become part of our identity. So, equally, if you hear you're stupid, you're lazy, or it becomes, it almost becomes who you are. And then, by the time you're stepping into your teams and then into, maybe into the workplace or whatever, you take on all these other identities or all these other parts of your life and quite often it's either the place that you're in, so it's that stereotypical kind of identity, or it's what we're told we are none of. It is who we truly are inside, and that takes some discovery, doesn't it and it doesn't stop when you start to discover.
CHé:You still keep learning more things about yourself, stuff about identity. It just it runs so deep and I think one thing for me was actually the the acceptance of myself coming out non-binary initially and then no trans mask. It's like that was huge. That was a big step, but if I hadn't have done that I would have been still stuck, still not living as me, but I had to go through that process right, I'm in again.
Fran:Some of that, though, is fear do you actually? Think that a lot of it is. We're held back by fear yeah, definitely that's fear of judgment, it's fear of what could happen, it's fear of the unknown a lot of the time, isn't it?
CHé:I think I was fear. I was very, very fearful of actually losing what I had and I've lost that anyway.
Fran:But so losing what you had, even if what you had is not necessarily completely right for you exactly but it's still fearful.
CHé:Yeah, and I now I know it wasn't right and it was actually I must quite a lot. I think you know adhd potentially autism is is definitely on my. Yeah, it's, it's, it's in there, you know? Yeah, it's um. I think masking is a huge thing and being able not to mask is actually probably one of the most beautiful things, and finding people as well in my life that I don't need to feel that I need to mask around is just and again, there's no judgment for people that are still in that place where they mask.
Fran:I mean, I even mask in a lot of situations, or I can be a little bit of a comedian. I was going to say comedian.
CHé:You're a comedian for that.
Fran:I am actually a bit of a chameleon as such, because you know, you take on the environment to either fit in, or because that's what makes you feel happy, or because that's what makes you feel happy. So I've gone through a bit of kind of a you know transition within my mind and my personality, because in my younger years I thought that I did it to fit in, to get by with the situation, to fit into that party, to fit, and then I just go home and sleep, you know, because I'm so exhausted, whereas now I realize actually they're just, we're multifaceted human beings, so it's just embracing those different sides of my personality or those different things that I want to do. So I can be very different in different contexts, you know. So in the context of somebody's party, I can be very different how I am when I sit at my desk, or and that's okay as well- I am the same.
CHé:I am the same and I know that. But I know when I've feel like I've had to mask because I come home and I'm exhausted that's the difference, isn't it?
Fran:that's why I said I used to come and I had to sleep, whereas now I I feel good so it's like.
CHé:so I know when I'm masking, because I can identify that, because I'm exhausted and it's like, it's because I've masked and it's like. But I know sometimes, you know, when I go to work I have the biggest imposter syndrome you can think of. I don't, you know, but I'm a senior social worker. I must have done something right. I'm not that stupid young girl that my mother told me I was, and I know that. But I still have to mask at work because I just feel I have to.
Fran:My imposter syndrome. Is that a feeling that you're not good enough or you're not qualified enough?
CHé:All of those, all of those. But actually, what is interesting, I've been speaking to other social workers about this, including a manager who actually still feel like that, even though they've been doing it, you know decades more than me. I think it's actually a lot, because we're dealing with people's lives here, you know a huge impact, and I think it's. We always question ourselves, actually, are we good enough? Should we be doing this?
Fran:and I just think it's something because of the expectations on us and the expectations yeah, so in in a sense it can be exacerbated by the career itself, yeah, whereas anybody at any point can feel imposter syndrome. You know we can all look online and feel that somebody's got a bigger account, more followers, more. You know the neighbor's got a better patio set, or I don't know. I mean, is that FOMO? Where does it become, like the fear of missing out or the coveting other people's things, or, you know, imposter syndrome.
CHé:So I suppose imposter syndrome is more about how you feel you, can you perform in the world or you perform with your job, or I think it's actually in my job that I feel like like that. But I think it's because I started late. I, you know, I didn't start my career until I was 40, you know, and for a social worker, actually that's quite late, even though I've got them out now. The life experience which I think is actually more valuable to be able to do this role, I think, um, the, the stupid label that I was given, you know, it's still there, but I don't believe that about myself, but it's still there and I think it has an impact on the imposter bit as well.
Fran:So, yeah, did you cope with that? When you were younger, that feeling of you know I'm stupid or everybody thinks this about me, or how did you cope with that I?
CHé:thought I was. You know, I was always getting compared to my brother and he was a high achiever academically. I got into sport, I got into trouble, I got into lots of stuff I shouldn't have got into.
Fran:Okay, so you acted up a little bit.
CHé:Exactly, you know who's cooking. You know, and the bike shed? Hey, the stupid girl. You know who's getting into fights? Oh, it's, you know her again.
Fran:Right, so that's almost like this is what you think of me.
CHé:So actually, this is what you think of me. So I'm going to say this is what I am.
Fran:Yeah, yeah, I can relate to that. So I was the clown and I still am, in a lot of respect. So you know the, the person that would stand dancing on the table, or you know it's like it's, it's, it's a funny one, because by making more of a spectacle and being like, oh so you, you think that I'm silly or you think that I'm the clown, so I'll be an even bigger one. I think it would draw more attention, but in some ways it allows you that some kind of freedom of expression, but while people don't actually know you yeah, because I've always been painfully shy, so they know what they think they know. Yeah, and I'll play up to that as well, because you know it's, it's fun to be a clown. You know so, but they don't actually know you in on the inside. So did you feel that there was a little bit of that going on as well? So when you're acting up, do you feel like that? Was it almost like a mask as well?
CHé:yeah, definitely. I don't think anybody knew me, who I was growing up. You know I people think that I'm a really extrovert person. Actually I'm quite. I'm actually a very anxious individual who actually is. I think I'm more quiet and reserved than actually other people have ever realized that I am.
Fran:They see this is that how you choose to be as well um, I don't see.
CHé:I think some of this the adhd, because sometimes it just can't, I can't control it and it comes out in in quite random kind of ways. But I think people are seeing more of me now that I've accepted myself. I'm calm, I'm so much more calmer testosterone, by the way don't believe what people say about testosterone, the calming drug ever. I'm so much more calmer. But maybe that isn't the drug. It's about actually how it's your balance yeah, maybe it's just your balance and, yeah, it's um but the thing is as well.
Fran:That also leads into the fact that, as human beings, we are allowed to change. Yes, we are. You know, there's going to be fundamental things inside of us that won't ever, you know, and with certain topics I'm not going there, by the way, I'm not going there, you know. You can think of that what you will, but we're allowed to change, we're allowed to evolve, yeah, we're allowed to keep learning and we're allowed to give ourselves permission to do that and I think many don't allow that, and that's that's where where we feel stuck.
CHé:But I'm happy that I've actually embraced change and actually I'm happy that I'm accepting myself so much more than I ever have done throughout my life in so many different levels. Not just the transness about actually yeah, I have a diagnosis of adhd. I have a diagnosis of ADHD. Yeah, I have a diagnosis of dyslexia. It doesn't define me wholly as a person. There's elements of me that obviously it impacts. It's not your whole identity. No, it's not my whole. Being trans is not my whole identity. I'm Che, you know, and this is who I am, not those bits of me that people want to actually see. See me as a whole person. Really, I think that's a message.
Fran:Yeah, yeah, and that can be a message for for others as well, definitely. And you've also you touched on the whole Like Peace thing, because I go on about that a lot, because I like feeling that inner peace, peace thing, because I go on about that a lot, because I like feeling that inner peace. So for you would that be? Would that be feeling peaceful? Would it be calm, would it? What kind of emotion would you attach to that?
CHé:well, I do that when you know, I feel, I actually feel a big peace quite often, predominantly when I've done breath work and after then. And I don't think we understand as humans we need to breathe more. We need to breathe deep within rather than deeply yeah, deep within, and let it, let oxygen in our bodies rather than just this top shallow bit that we but it's that.
Fran:It's that conscious awareness, isn't it? Because you know it's being aware of your, your body and your body and how those deep breaths make you feel, so that grounding peace, if you like.
CHé:I feel that when I do that, but I feel more peace because I'm accepting myself and I wake up. I expect myself every single day. You know I'm actually pleased to be on this planet every single day. You know I'm actually pleased to be on this planet every single day. I, you know, I'm at peace because I am, because, you know, just because I'm able to be me.
Fran:Some of it also lends itself to what's? Just because one thing is right for somebody doesn't necessarily mean it's going to work for somebody else. So the breath work I get it and we do, and I do have to consciously remind myself to take a deep breath. Personally, I don't follow breath work instruction, and part of that is just a medical thing for me, because I've previously had multiple lung clots and so I've had multiple multiple lung clots and suffered multiple primary embolisms on both lungs. It's left me with a lot of scar tissue so I can't keep up and I can't hold for that long and things like that. So breath work is not my go-to, but for somebody else it would be, or maybe somebody's curious. What is that? So therefore, look into breathwork, because it may well be the thing that you need to help ground you and that's like with everything.
CHé:Not one thing fits one. You know everybody it.
Fran:Just because it's right for me, doesn't make it right for you it's having that safe safety, that safe place and the acceptance of yourself to explore what could or might work.
CHé:And it's been in that mindset that actually you want to change and you want, you want to feel change and explore how you want to do that. Everything you know, not everything is right for one person and now everybody.
CHé:It's right for one person, it might not be right for you, next person, whatever but that's why it's all right to try things as well you know, I've tried things before that I've completely run away from, like I've hated it I was really like, really like, really breathwork, but it works, for me it works for you, yeah, and I'm very intrigued and I'd like to hear more about it.
Fran:Perhaps we can have a conversation with that. Personally, it's just not something I get it, but I don't overly get into due to my own medical condition. So I do use a lot of grounding, though within neuro-linguistic programming there's a thing called anchoring, which anybody can do. So anchoring is that immersing yourself in that feeling that you choose to have. So, whether that be that calmness or that peace, and it's remembering a time when you felt that and you remember what it sounded like, what it smelled like or what it felt like, and you can bring yourself to that moment. You know it's a similar thing works within mindfulness as well. I love mindfulness too, for being in the present moment, for grounding, just for that inner calm.
Fran:Meditation works for some. I can do meditations, I can do guided meditations, but mine are fairly short. So don't worry, jay, don't worry, mine are short because I don't have the concentration span, not exactly Because I need to fidget all the time. So you know. So if meditation works for people, that's great. If you're interested in knowing more about it or experiencing it and you want it to be quick, then come to me, because I have to be for your mind yeah, because I can't, I can't pay attention for that long.
Fran:No, or I find it funny. Yeah, I find it amusing. Yeah, again, you know, but for those into meditation or if you're interested, that could work as well. There's so many different techniques out there, isn't there?
CHé:Yeah, and I've also started to read and I've found a beautiful book. I'll share that with you sometime on another. But it's actually about lessons and you know, things we can learn about ourselves. I love that. I found it really, really useful. Yeah, and because I have struggled reading in the past, I'm getting more into it now. I'm actually really quite enjoying it. But it's a short book and I was like but actually I loved it. I couldn't put it down.
Fran:I'm a I'm a bit of a book lover's nightmare. Little little spoiler alert here. Little I read. I read either with ruler, marker, pen, a highlighter, and you know where that's going to go, don't you all over the pages? Oh, I know.
CHé:And then you, then you've highlighted the whole frigging page and you don't know where you are, or you don't know where you've highlighted that bit.
Fran:I've highlighted it for a particular reason and then, yeah, or I write words at the bottom, or because I only get so far, and then I don't understand what the word means, then I go down a whole rabbit hole of finding out what it is and it takes me off at a different tangent. But I find I pay attention more if, if I read something that also has audio to it, so I will listen and read along while I'm listening. That helps me a lot.
CHé:And then I will leave pens and highlighters alone and the book remains intact to be loved and shared and the book remains intact to be loved and shared. They're showing we have different ways of learning and and that's you know, what was right for you isn't right for me, or whatever you know that's terrific for you.
Fran:Potentially, if you saw some of my books, I would actually probably actually break my mind oh dear, but again, you know different ways different ways are going to work for different people wants to say hello to hello, kitty cat.
Fran:We've got a kitty cat here. So for anybody just listening and not watching, the video with che has got a beautiful cat right. This leads me on to my other lovely pre-planned question for you what's some of your hopes like for the future? And I know that's very broad and very general, so take from that what you will I think I I have some specific hopes.
CHé:For me is one, and this is going to happen. I have manifested this. This is going to happen. My house is going to sell and my divorce is going to be through it will then help you move on to your next stage that will help me move on, considerably help me move on.
CHé:So that's, that's a hope, that's it's not. It's not a dream, it's going to happen. It's it's going to happen within a certain time frame that I have given it. I know it's going to. I so my, my hope for my trans self is actually that there is more acceptance, that we actually can stop finger pointing, blaming the trans community for everything that's going wrong in the world, and actually just accept us, for us, give us the right medical treatment that you know that we're entitled to, and support us to be our authentic selves. That's my hope for the future. And we we had to do this for great gay rights. We had to, you know. We went through it, we got through it and we got stronger. Then we got, you know, same sex, wedding, marriage and stuff accepted. After so much frigging, hate and so much finger-pointing. And gay people are paedophiles all of that nonsense that we're getting as trans people, it will change.
Fran:Some of that is. I'm going to lightly touch on this. Some of it is if people want to hate, they will find something to hate and they will find somebody to hate and they will find a thing to hate. They just will, and they will then move on to the next thing to hate.
Fran:Some of it is fear. Yeah, so we have our own fears to work through, as do other people, and people are scared of change. They're scared of their own rights being implicated or taken away, and they get caught up within, possibly, media or things they've heard, and the message gets shared in a way that it wasn't intended to. So it either gets diluted from the original voices that need to be listened to or it just gets changed into something else out of fear. I've got no judgment for people feeling fearful. I just hope, along with you, that minds can be open and they can be open to learning, and you don't have to agree with somebody else or agree with their life choices. You don't have to agree with them to let them live their life and let them feel the peace or the calm that they desire, and you get on with your life.
CHé:Yeah, completely. I don't want people to have to agree with me I don't people actually that people don't need to understand my journey. People don't have to understand what it's like to be a trans guy or trans, whatever you know. People don't need to understand that, but just accept me and that's what my hope is acceptance just yeah, just pure acceptance.
Fran:Just, I'm here living my life, you're there living your life with. Let's have no judgment, let's just accept.
CHé:Exactly that's. That's the biggest hope for me is acceptance okay?
Fran:well, thank you. Thank you for sharing your story. You know your insights, your inspiring journey. I think this has been a truly powerful conversation and I know there's a whole deeper thing for us to get into with this, so I'd love to have you back. If you'd like to come back and talk to me again, I'll talk to you again to run. Oh, thank you very much. I know that you'll inspire others to embrace their authentic selves, find strength in their journeys.
Fran:So, with that said, if you would like to find out more about what che does, or if you're interested just in more of their journey, you can actually find him on instagram and I'm going to share your, your media one. So it's. I'm going to spell it out it's c, h, e, underscore d, o, r, I, z, m, e, da. That's dorrit dorrit's media, and that's one of your accounts, isn't it? That's is. Is that a? Is it just out of interest? Is it a private account or is it open, open account? It's an open account, okay, so it's open to. It's open to understanding and a place of peace for people to follow. You follow your your. Is that mostly for your photography or are there other things on?
CHé:there.
Fran:No, it's my photography, but I have added a few bits about my journey as well, but it is primarily photography that I do yeah, well, that's the thing with with media and with social media, we get to curate what we see and what we interact with, and we also get to curate what we put out into the world. So therefore, again, some of this comes from fear of people, a fear full of the public knowing things about them you don't have to share. You know, when you and I go out onto social media, we're sharing what we want people to see, because we want to inspire or we want to motivate or interest people. Um, so it's about sharing, again from a safe space, what you're happy for people to see.
CHé:so if that's going to involve part of your journey, that's also going to be inspiring for for a lot of people, I'm sure, if anybody does come to london or brighton pride, I am a photographer. This year again, amazing if, if people do spot me and want to come and say hi, more than welcome to have a chat amazing.
Fran:Thank you, yeah, I was just going to say, before we wrap this up, do you want to just say a little bit about your photography, what it, what it actually is that you're doing?
CHé:yeah, I do get gig photography if people want me. I've. I've done fabulous Electric Enemy, ells Bailey, grace Petrie, to name but a few, skindred. But it's just yeah, it's just a hobby that I picked up when I actually I was really ill with COVID. I was very unwell for about eight months and I needed something to occupy me, occupy my mind. And I knew a band, electric Enemy, and I started to take photos of them and got invited to the Isle of Wight Festival by the manager that's incredible and took photos of them and that's how my journey started into gig photography, basically yeah, and you're still going still going.
CHé:That was in 2013, so it's only three years. But, um, okay, do you think that?
Fran:you just out of interest. Did you completely shake covid off? Because I've read some stuff about people having long covid so I it.
CHé:I'm on some medication for arthritic condition. I wasn't given medication to protect my stomach and an after effect of covid is exacerbated some weakness in my stomach and I've got six ulcers in my stomach oh crikey.
CHé:That's a lot to deal with. Yeah, so constant on medication for that. But they've been managed. It's fine. But it's like the exhaustion I think you know sometimes it is just I don't think you ever overcome. When you get covered properly, my, my taste took six months to come back. My taste and smell. It was the probably actually of the most horrendous things about it was the taste and smell, and sometimes I still don't taste some things or they taste different. So I don't think it ever you get back to how you were.
Fran:Yeah, but you've managed with that and you, it actually was the catalyst for starting your gig. Photography, exactly, exactly that you know.
CHé:Who knows if I got to here. So actually thank you, kovid maybe you would have, but we don't know, do we?
Fran:we don't know, don't know. It's following that journey, isn't it?
Fran:yeah, yeah, so you know, some things can come out of bad, yeah I I actually stepped back from my caring career because I'd been predominantly I'd done a few other things as well, but predominantly a carer for a number of years and I was burnt out.
Fran:So during that time because things were shutting down and I was working private at the time and I got the time just to sit with myself for a little while went through the most horrendous depression and then, you know, came out the other side of it. So I think sometimes as well, that reminds me actually that when that thing about getting on, getting on with our lives and masking and things like that, it can hold us in a certain state and when those, when we slow down a little bit, or those layers start to come back, that's when other things come out, because there's space for it. You know, for me it was immense depression came out once I slowed down. Yeah, so it's also just about having that safety network around you, all those resources. Again, you know, it's something that big on is having those things that you can just support yourself with until you can get the help also, it's actually about allowing yourself to feel so.
CHé:Allow yourself, that's a big one, allow yourself. I've learned this I've allowed myself to feel sad. If I'm feeling sad, actually, yeah, and why I'm feeling sad, talk about it. Talk about it to myself. Actually I'm feeling sad because of this, and actually, and work through it. If you know, I'm feeling happy. Oh, I didn't expect to feel happy. Why am I feeling happy? You know, but actually, allow it, I don't.
Fran:It's identifying the emotion as well but we don't do that enough.
CHé:I don't believe as humans. If I'm crying, why am I crying? Allow myself to cry, you know. And then that's another thing. I didn't used to allow myself to cry, but if tears come, they're coming for a reason and I need to actually embrace that.
Fran:And there's many reasons for that. That can be shame guilt.
CHé:Exactly Understand that and there's there's many reasons for that. That can be shame, guilt exactly understand it. Allow yourself to feel that, feel that emotion and really feel that emotion. For me that's really helped is this to understand me, and actually I think it's helped me come as far as I have, from my dark moments back in september to net, where I am now.
Fran:Yeah, I can see your cat again a little bit. Yeah, he's still here. He's still here, yeah, so for anybody watching the video as well, because the podcast stands alone, but there's a accompanying video that's on YouTube. So which leads me to if you're interested in more content like this, be sure to check out melancholy coaching on youtube. And until next time, stay curious, keep igniting your creative potential and please do go and find che out on instagram, out in the wild out in the wild.
CHé:Yeah, come say out in the wild at brighton.
Fran:Yes, indeed, thank you, thank you thank you for joining me on the melancholy coaching podcast. I'd love you to subscribe for queries or to connect email info at melancholymentorcom. Until next time, keep igniting your creative potential.
