Addiction To Ambition | Megan's Transformational Sobriety

✨ Hello, I'm Fran Your NLP & Business Coach. In this episode, I'm interviewing Megan Johnstone about her transformational sober journey.

Welcome back Megan from season two, episode three.  She really is the embodiment of inspiration and motivation. 

Megan shares her transformational sober journey that rewrote her life. From navigating addiction to building a thriving business. It's an honest powerful story fueled by authenticity, discipline and a relentless commitment to growth.

You can connect to Megan in the following ways ⬇️
https://www.procleancommercials.co.uk/
https://www.instagram.com/procleancommercials/
https://www.tiktok.com/@procleancommercials
https://www.linkedin.com/in/meganjohnstone02

Find me @ www.melancholymentor.com

* As a coach, I listen without judgment, understanding that others views may differ from my own.

#nlpcoach #nlpcoaching #creativity #inspiration #transformation #soberlife

Chapters

• 0:00 Welcome And Guest Introduction
• 1:04 Framing Megan’s Sobriety Story
• 2:05 Early Memories And Teen Drinking
• 5:22 Identity, Peer Roles, And Control
• 7:04 Mental Rock Bottom And AA
• 9:05 Consequences, Secrecy, And Turning Point
• 12:16 Redefining “Alcoholic” And Self-Worth
• 15:04 Spiritual Tools, Steps, And Support
• 18:05 Feeling Feelings Without Numbing
• 20:12 Triggers, Boundaries, And Social Pressure
• 23:08 Therapy, Routine, And Relapse Guards
• 26:06 Habit Loops, Non-Alcoholic Swaps, And Fitness
• 28:12 Addictive Traits, ADHD Links, And Acceptance
• 30:10 Business Update: Specialist Cleaning Path
• 33:15 Support, Resources, And Closing

Transcript

Fran: 0:00

Hello everyone. Welcome to the Melancholy Coaching Podcast. I'm Fran your host and NLP coach. Join me as I interview inspiring business owners and self-improvement speakers about their experiences of delving into personal development, motivation and strategies for overcoming challenges. Let's ignite our creative potential together. Hello and welcome to Melancholy Coaching Podcast. I'm Fran, your NLP coach, and I'm really pleased to introduce a motivational guest. Megan thrives on health, fitness and the outdoors while navigating life with endometriosis with remarkable resilience. She is passionate about business and authenticity, and her sober journey is a powerful testament to lasting transformation. Megan, welcome to the show. Thank you for having me again. You're welcome. Yeah, just for transparency there, Megan and I actually recorded a podcast episode which is in Melancholy Coaching Podcast and it's season two and episode three. So if you want to go back and listen to that, it was more based on your on your business journey, wasn't it? Yeah. And today we're gonna just delve into your your journey of sobriety, which I believe is gonna be a very inspirational message because that's what this is all about. It's sort of inspirational stories and motivational messages, whether that be based on sort of self-improvement and personal development or whether it be based on business. So we're going down a personal route with this one. Okay. Yeah. I've got a couple of questions to ask you, and we'll have a talk around that if that's all right with you, Megan. Of course. And the first one I'm gonna go straight in there with and this comes from a place of uh feeling safe as well. So you're invited to revisit things with safety, not with anything that's going to uh trigger you or open any wounds, okay? So this is you you take this where you're comfortable to go. Yeah. And my first question for you is what are your earliest memories of alcohol?

Megan: 2:11

So we spoke about this before we started, didn't we? And I said that I am happy to be as raw and honest as possible because when I first wanted to stop drinking, those were the stories that really helped me that I could resonate to. I would say my first memories, there wasn't sort of anyone in my family who actively, you know, came for has come forward as an alcoholic, but I would say there were sort of issues with certain people, and there was never sort of alcohol kept in our house, so it wasn't something that I could like go and help myself to. I ended up getting like a fake ID and things like that as a means of sort of getting drink sort of in my teenagers. I'd say sort of my first memories of drinking myself would be like the typical house parties, like early teen years, getting drunk in a field, that sort of thing. And I think at that point it sort of seemed quite innocent. I think maybe a few people did notice that I would probably drink too much too quickly. But I think when you're at that age, it's kind of just considered as not being able to handle your drink, and it's quite normal. So yeah, there's never sort of any warning signs at the start, but I do remember getting in some states, probably more than other people did. I've got one friend that I've had all through school, we're still best friends now, and I'd always look at her and think, why does she not do the stupid stuff that I do? Why can she handle her drink? Even outside of drinking, why doesn't she get in these situations that I do? And I think that was probably an early indication that I did have an issue with alcohol and didn't necessarily realise it.

Fran: 3:44

But you were able to recognise part of it, you know, maybe there was a bit of cognitive dissonance in there in that it wasn't still that relatable directly to you. So you could see it a little bit. This I'd like to just say as well, we've got a there's a little generational gap with us. So I'm Jen X, I'm I'm mid-50s, so I'm 55, you're early 20s. And so I grew up in the 1970s and I was a teenager in the 1980s, and this doesn't sound any different to although I didn't do it, a lot of my friends did. They would get a bottle of it was Cinzano at the time. Yeah, bottle of Cinzano, or a bottle of blue nun, which was a very generic kind of wine, and take it down the park. Um but at that time there wasn't as there were laws about sell it the selling of alcohol to miners, but it wasn't really enforced. So even in school uniform, you could buy cigarettes, you could buy alcohol from little uh local shops and things like that, and even other things like lighter fluid or inhaling and things like that, it you could just buy it over the counter. And they weren't meant to do it, but you know, teenagers knew the shops in which which did it. So I feel that it's kind of it's the same but different.

Megan: 5:08

Yeah, I mean it's a lot harder to sort of get those things now, isn't it? But same sort of environment. I think most people do end up going down that route when they first start, don't they? Yeah.

Fran: 5:18

So if you haven't got that nurturing group around you, or you kind of you would respond to your environment really. Yeah. So if it becomes normal that other kids, other teens, you know, doing that, then it becomes your normal. Yeah. Do you think that there was any peer pressure involved in that at all? Or do you feel like it was all your decision?

Megan: 5:37

I think it's really funny. I think the sort of friendship group that I was in, that I was, I suppose, like a lot of I guess I thought I was in like the popular group, and I had all these girlfriends that I were like really gorgeous, and they always got all the boys, and I feel like I was like the funny one. So I feel like I really lived up to that expectation where everyone's like, oh, Megan's really funny, and I would drink more and do more really stupid stuff to live up to that expectation. So, you know, without anyone sort of pressuring me to do that, I felt like I had to do that and sort of fit into that character, that role that I'd sort of given myself. And it then became really difficult because it was like, who am I without the drink? You know, trying to go from being like a young teenager to my adult years, trying to work out who I am without that as a person in a career, in personal life, in other relationships. I didn't really know because I'd always been that sort of person who would drink and get myself in those situations, and it was funny at the time. And I've still got friends now. And she said one of my friends said to me the other day, Oh, I feel so bad that we never stopped you, or you know, we laughed when you did those stupid things that were ruining your own life. And it just is like that when you're young, isn't it? You don't really see your friendships what you do when you're sort of older. So yeah, there I there was just that that category that I just slotted into, and that's who I felt I was at the time.

Fran: 7:00

Okay.

Megan: 7:01

I've got another specific question for you.

Fran: 7:04

In what ways has sobriety changed your relationship with your mind and your body?

Megan: 7:11

So it was kind of a long process. So I started to see sort of some warning signs, which I'll go into later. But I was just began to get really, really unhappy. It was kind of like breaking point where although all these things had happened in the past where it should have been rock bottom, it wasn't, I kept going. I think it was more of like a mental sort of rock bottom where I just felt like I was hitting a wall, I couldn't do it anymore, and I knew that I had to make changes. So I'd kind of made, you know, changes down the line. I stopped drinking so much throughout the week and cut down to the weekends, but then that was a bit crazy because I'd go all out at the weekends, and eventually I've just started to cut down gradually. I remember I said to my partner at the time, please can we not have alcohol in the fridge? Because every time I open it, it's there and it's I'm struggling. So I had a few sort of relapses and I was trying to stay sober on my own, which just didn't work. So the minute that I walked into AA was the minute that I've never had a drink ever again. I really needed that, and it's sort of there's a lot of like work-based stuff that you do, and that's what has really changed me. I had a lot of resentment towards a lot of people, especially in the last few years where I was really angry and I was sort of drinking to suppress those emotions. Now that I've done the work, that is completely gone. You know, there's some people that I still don't have in my life, but I feel like I would speak to them when I'm ready and just really sort of pushed exercise and health, that sort of thing. I've always been quite passionate about it anyway, but that's definitely, you know, given me something to look forward to in life, and that's something that I enjoy now rather than the escape.

Fran: 8:49

So would you say that there was a specific turning point in your sobriety, you know, possibly that you're most grateful for, or was there that moment?

Megan: 8:58

Yeah, I think that there was loads of moments, loads of things that I had done. My behaviour was just erratic. When I was drinking, I was not the same person that I am now. And I think everyone around me who knew me could see that. I would get myself in vulnerable situations as well. There was a time where I was sexually assaulted because I was so drunk that I put myself in that situation. I was breaking bones, I fell off a roof and broke my arm, things like that, where you think it would be rock bottom, and it, you know, I might have said, Oh, I need to sort this out. But it was more sort of right, I'm not gonna drink spirits anymore, I'm just gonna stick to beer, or I'm gonna make a tally on my notes and write down every time I have a drink, and hopefully it will help me think about how many I'm having. None of those things worked at all. And I would say probably the real turning point was when I realised that I was close to losing everything that cared about me. My drinking had changed from sort of, yeah, this erratic behaviour to drinking at home, being very secretive and lying, and I never told anyone some of the things that I was doing. I was living with sort of an ex-partner at the time, and we had a house together, and I'd really enjoy cooking in the evenings, and he'd go and play his game, we'd have our own time. But then cooking turned into a whole bottle of wine. I'd be trying to sneak out the house, try and run past the window where he was playing his game so he didn't see me to go and get another bottle of wine. And then when we'd have the dinner, I'd pretend that I'd never opened one and I would have two bottles of wine and just sneaking and doing drugs and things as well. Just behaviour that where I started to notice this is a bit more than binge drinking and what I thought it was. So I think the realisation that I was going to lose my relationship, people around me, possibly my career, things like that, I was really worried and I knew that I had to make some sort of change and I couldn't go on like that anymore.

Fran: 10:54

I just want to say that for you and for anybody listening to this, anybody who is sexually assaulted, it is not your fault. However, what I'm lit hearing from what you said is that you're taking responsibility for certain actions that you did leading to you not being at your sharpest and being vulnerable. So therefore it it led to an opportunity of vulnerability. However, it's not your fault. Yeah, definitely. And anybody that takes advantage of other people in that way is is it's it's not their fault that is potentially that was opportunist. Yeah. With the being secretive about alcohol, now that I've I've never been an alcoholic and I don't drink alcohol now. I've tried it a few times, so I don't really resonate with it at all. So again, no people no judgment for anyone that is a social drinker or that chooses to or that likes it, that's not what we're saying.

Megan: 11:54

Yeah.

Fran: 11:55

Some things that I've read and and heard about is that it's when it gets to that secretive stage. So if there are kind of a lot of empty bottles around, or if you're hiding your activity, or if you're day drinking because you can't not day drink, are they do you would you say that some of those are actual identifiers in there's a problem?

Megan: 12:19

Yes, I would say, you know, from going to AA, I think the term of alcoholic is so broad. And I completely understand why some people aren't very open about it, because I think society's perception on it is it's that it's like, yeah, drinking on a park bench, waking up and having a bottle of wine for breakfast when it really isn't that. And even my perception when I first went in those rooms was, oh, I'm not an alcoholic, like I didn't put myself in that box. But actually, the you know, the the definition is so broad, and they actually give you like a little sheet to sort of see a few questions on there to ask yourself if you fit in that category. And even one of them was, have you ever felt like you've wanted to stop drinking before and found it hard or not been able to? So I kind of actually did tick every single box on the list, but I think probably more people do have issues than they realise or what they're willing to admit.

Fran: 13:11

Yeah, so it's that stereotypical perception of what an alcoholic is.

Megan: 13:17

Yeah.

Fran: 13:18

Is not necessarily the actual reality of who and what an alcoholic is. Okay. So do you think that there was anything to do with your own self-worth at all or your lack of self-worth?

Megan: 13:33

Yeah, definitely. And going back to what I said about, you know, drinking to fit into that character, I didn't really know who I was without the drink. You know, why did I ever believe that people preferred that drunk version of me to the real version? But because I didn't really know the real version of me, it was kind of like this what just felt comfortable. The self-worth that I have now since stopping drinking, I mean, I'm almost five months sober. I am a completely different person. I've gone through some really big life changes as well during that process, which was really scary because in my head I thought, well, I've just, you know, I'm making this change for the better. Why is all this bad stuff happening to me? But actually being able to deal with all of that sober and work on myself while I'm doing it and you know, put in the right steps has been incredible. And I just think all the stuff that I've been through, you know, throughout my whole life and recently, if I was drinking through that, I would have, I would always self-destruct. So I could have got myself in a much worse situation. And actually, amazing things are happening to me. I know that AA is quite spiritual, so they, you know, they kind of emphasize if you do your prayers, if you go through the steps and do your work, you know, that's sort of like the right thing to do. And that's exactly what I've been doing. And these crazy amazing things have been happening. So kind of having that as like a big part of my life now, wanting to sort of help other people. If there was someone I knew that was in the situation that I was in, if I could even be someone that they could ask, like advice for support, that would be like a big part of my life that I would love to sort of give that back. So, yeah, the the things, especially I'm a big supporter of AA. I know it's not for everyone, but the things that it's done for me and how it's changed my life is amazing. And the conf the self-worth and confidence I've got from that is just yeah, amazing.

Fran: 15:22

Also, for anybody listening, AA is Alcoholics Anonymous. Yeah. And I'm not sure whether that's just UK based or the UK version. Um, because we're actually in the United Kingdom for so for anyone listening overseas, it's the the the support for people, it's like a sport group, isn't it? Yeah. That then gives ongoing support. And there may well be in other countries, I don't know, but or there might be a version of it. Yeah, yeah.

Megan: 15:51

Okay. And it's um sorry, it's it's so good because I think what I went into it not really knowing what it would be like, I'd only known what I'd like seen in the films where you've got people in the dark room, sat in a circle, the basement. Yeah, literally. And the first meeting I went into, it was a really lovely one. They have like candles at the front. It was quite good for someone who was new because you're sat in a row, so there's no one like looking directly at you. And the first person who shared, it just really I really resonated with it. And that this person had said that their whole life they felt so misunderstood. And as soon as they walked into those rooms, there were other people in the same situation as them with the same mind who understood them, and I could just so relate to that because I felt like my whole life, you know, I've had friends, I've had relationships and family, but I just really felt like no one ever got me. And in the like sort of early stages of my drinking, I was drink driving a lot, and I got away with stuff that I should not have got away with that could have, you know, I wouldn't have the business I've got now and things like that. And my car was a write-off. I'd only been driving, I think, two weeks. I've only had my license. And I had a suicide attempt because I just felt like, why do I always do these stupid things? Why does no one else do that? What is the point? You know, I'm gonna be in so much trouble now, I'm not gonna be able to do what I was doing, and I just don't see the point anymore. So, for someone to say that how misunderstood they felt, and that everyone else in the room understood them, I was like, this is the place for me.

Fran: 17:19

And other people do do things like that. Yeah, you know, we feel like we're the only one. And with having a suicide attempt, I'm gonna presume that that was because you felt that that was there was no other decision or that you got yourself into just such a mess that there was just no coming out of this mess, which obviously you know now that there there is and there was. Yeah. Alcohol in itself can be a resource, can't it? Because we can have resources in life that can be detrimental or positive. And for for some people who just have a little social drink or something like that, potentially that's a resource, it's a resource of confidence, or you know, so for you to actually identify that it was taken over your life or that you had all of these complications due to the alcohol, your resource then became the support group. Yeah. So what other resources do you feel that you have right now?

Megan: 18:23

I think the work that comes along with AA, so going through the steps, for anyone that doesn't know about the steps, it's sort of like the work that you put in. It's got a lot of self-reflection, kind of recognizing your character defects, working on those, and you know, little steps as well. Like I do, I don't believe in a God as such, but I do believe in the like a higher power. So doing my prayers for that every morning and evening, you know, if I'm going for a really difficult time, then I'll hand something over and ask for signs or direction for something to happen. And, you know, that really helps me. I do my gratitude list every night, I send that to my sponsor and I read hers. I think just keeping connections with people, one thing I will say is when I first tried to start going sober, I relapsed so many times. I do maybe like 35 days or something like that, and then I just give in because it just felt so hard doing it on my own. And I was in sort of Facebook groups and WhatsApp groups of people around the country, but it wasn't really enough. I think being in those rooms with those people, putting in the work is what keeps me going. And I know now, I know you're not really meant to say, Oh, I'll never pick up a drink again, because they tried to say one day at a time, but I can hand on heart say that I know I wouldn't because I put in so much work up to this point, you know, at least going to three meetings a week, doing all these steps every single day. Why would I waste all of that just to start again and feel even worse and it'd be, you know, so much harder to get to this point now?

Fran: 19:55

When I was little, I don't I've got children who I'm in touch with. I'm not in touch with any of my other family for other reasons. When and when I was little, my aunt was an alcoholic, I had an uncle that was an alcoholic, like it was very prevalent within my family line. And I would be taken to parties as a child and be sitting on the stairs, and I'd have an aunt come out of one door trying to give me a bottle of drink, and I'd have an uncle coming out of another door trying to give me, you know, a glass of alcohol, and it all smelt really horrible. So for me, that was it was a deciding factor in that I didn't want to be like that. So it was that away from thing of I I didn't want to be like that, and I chose not to be like that. So for do you feel that in any way your alcohol consumption around the time when you kind of started and before you realized that it was out of control, do you think it was glamorized at all?

Megan: 20:54

Yeah, and one thing I did really struggle with when I first tried to stop was the glamorisation of it. I used to love going on a night out, getting dressed up. The fancy wine glass was almost part of my outfit, and I felt really, you know, lost without it. And I think there is this sort of culture as well, especially, you know, the generation sort of before mine, where, you know, like mid-30s, where there is this like binge drinking culture, and it is sort of seen as normal. And yeah, I think there's just this view in society that it's it's normal and that's what we do. And I think that was a big thing that held me back is I thought, well, everyone does it, you know, alcohol causes cancer and things like that, but everyone still does it, so you know, may as well carry on. Okay, thank you for sharing that.

Fran: 21:43

And it's just it's just interesting. I was I was sort of thinking while you were while you were talking, I was listening to you, I was thinking that my early experiences of alcohol were were a little different, you know. So I had kind of the the family members trying to ply me with alcohol and I thought it smelled and I didn't like it, and they ever, you know, it was just a horrible environment. And then the teens, you know, during the 80s, getting a bottle of Cinzano down the park and you know, doing horrible things in the playground because that's where we got to hang out, you know. They'd not just go on the swings, they'd get the swings to go all the way around. And and I was always very scared of all of that. Like I was like, it scared me. So I didn't want to do that, so I had a very run away from it attitude. Um, so I was just interested as to you know, your experience being a bit more glamorized, or that kind of you know, we dress up to go out, and maybe drinks before and then drinks during kind of thing.

Megan: 22:37

I don't think I had any sort of negative interactions with alcohol, maybe from like the perspective of other people, not enough to stop me anyway, because once I first had it, I was like, this is amazing, the confidence I'm getting from this, and that you know, nothing ever really put me off.

Fran: 22:56

Just interesting, you know, to to hear, you know, where that where it sort of came from that so you wasn't kind of intimidated by it or scared by it at all, it was it was more of a glamorised version. Yeah. Um I've got another specific question for you, and that's for listeners who are curious about sobriety. And this all comes with no judgment from myself and from Megan. So if you're curious about sobriety but you're unsure where to start, Megan, what practical steps or practices would you recommend for somebody to begin their journey?

Megan: 23:31

I think we live in a time now where it is so much easier than in the past. There's so many more people who don't drink. I think I read a statistic that said something like 43% of people, I think it was maybe like mid-20s, so teens actually don't drink now, which is amazing. And I think there's so many like non-alcoholic drinks out there, which I am a supporter of. I love them. You know, podcasts, I listen to podcasts every single day because that's my way of sort of doing my work. You can listen to that at any time, anywhere. So that's a really good one. Again, you know, AA worked for me because I liked that real life interaction. People will just voluntarily give you their number. And I was always someone who really didn't like to ask for help. I didn't want to bother people. That was sort of the first steps that I took where I had to, you know, be vulnerable and do that. And I didn't like it at the time. But now I know that if I'm feeling low, I still do get days. You know, the other day I thought, oh, I don't like sitting with these emotions. It would be so much easier to drink through them. You can just pick up the phone to anyone and they will genuinely want to hear from you because it helps them. What else? Definitely the gratitude list that helps me every day as well. You know, just just having to think about, reflect over your day. And actually, every day I sit and think about how grateful I am to be sober. And then before you know it, the days have passed by and you're just you're living a life that you're really happy with and making the most of. When I first started, I definitely saw it as a negative. It wasn't, oh, I've stopped drinking for a better life. It was, I can't drink, everyone else gets to, and I was really negative about it. So things like, yeah, being grateful is just will just change your mindset and make you feel a lot better. And I think as well, it's really difficult because sometimes you want to help people, but the timing's not right. I think you will know when the time is right when you've really had enough. There were times where I'd tried to stop drinking before, but I wasn't really fully in it, and I had to keep going back and doing those stupid things and ruining my own life before I thought, oh, actually, I was really close to losing everything that time.

Fran: 25:35

You can't help people if they if they don't want to be helped, even yourself. You know, it has to be an active choice, doesn't it?

Megan: 25:43

Mm-hmm. There's someone I know who I took to an NA meeting, and they've been clean for a while. I don't think they necessarily needed it, but I more wanted them to see like the support that they could get from that, you know, how life-changing it could be, and obviously put those steps in place so it doesn't happen again. And you know, I was happy to go because I've done drugs before and I struggled with sort of addiction, especially in COVID times. I found that really hard. So it's not that I necessarily needed to go, but I I was happy to go and I thought it would be good for me. And um, this person basically just didn't, it wasn't for them, you know. We came out of the meeting. I said, What did you think? And they said, Oh god, that was awful. It was so depressing. And I went, Really? Everyone was sharing back all these amazing stories. I was sat there grinning, like so happy. So it's so interesting how we saw different sides of that. Obviously, their perception was very different to what I get from it. But again, that might have planted a seed where later down the line, you know, that person knows that that is there for them. So, you know, being accepting of that is something I've also learned from, you know, sobriety in the programme. You know, not seeing things in a negative light all the time. I feel like I did some good work there, even if I didn't get the outcome I sort of wanted for that person. Yeah.

Fran: 26:56

And that's that's interesting actually, because that you said the word outcome. From now. So from taking on board the journey that you've had so far. What outcome do you want for yourself?

Megan: 27:14

Honestly, I'm not really asking for much at all. Like the life that I've got now, if that could just continue, I'm so happy. I mean, we've all got things that go on in life where we might not be where we want to be. But I think like the peace and the calmness and the routine that I've got, like my my fitness, my health, my routine, that sort of thing at the gym, I just don't want that to change. I'm really happy with where I am. And if I can just keep going, I'd say I'd quite like to be in the point where I could help someone else and feel like I'm sort of giving something back, but yeah, just to sort of carry on how I'm going, really. Like um to be a mentor, maybe that would suit you. Yeah.

Fran: 27:55

Just say, and again, this is this is just coming from exploring this from a safe place.

Megan: 28:01

Yeah.

Fran: 28:03

Just say if your day didn't go how what you planned, how you wanted. How likely are you to think about reaching for a bottle?

Megan: 28:16

In terms of the word think, I have passing thoughts all the time. Yeah. Well, not all the time, the obsession's gone, but they do they do creep up on you, and sometimes you do think about it. And I think sometimes you've got to get a bit complacent and think, oh, maybe I could control it now. And you've got to remember, no, this is the illness talking to me, I'm not able to control it. But yeah, the I do not feel like I actively would pick up a drink anymore. And that's that's the great thing that everyone says that doing the work, the obsession goes, you know, life is still hard, it's not like an easy ride. But for that obsession to go and not feel like you need to pick up a drink to deal with certain things or every day, you just can't really beat that. And it just shows that it works. And in the podcast I've listened to, the people that I've spoken to, there's not one person I've ever heard who's gone sober and said, I wish I didn't do it, or it wasn't for me because they did it because they needed it in the first place.

Fran: 29:12

Yeah, I understand. So it's not just a case of I'm sober now, oh, it's everything's amazing. You know, those those intrusive thoughts may still be there, but you've got tools and resources to be able to deal with that.

Megan: 29:25

Yeah, and one thing I heard is someone said on a podcast, it was Matt Willis actually on They Think It's All Sober podcast, which is really good if anyone wants to listen to that. He said the worst thing about being sober is you get your sorry, the best thing about being sober is you get your feelings back. But the worst thing about being sober is you get your feelings back. And I definitely found that in the last few months, some of the life events that I was going through. I was like, wow, I'm feeling pain for the first time, more painful than I've ever felt. And it's really uncomfortable. But knowing that you wake up the Next day and it feels a bit better, and you didn't make it worse for yourself is just amazing. So by going sober, what are you missing out on? Nothing. I feel like I'm not missing out on anything. I mean, I'm when I first stopped drinking, I definitely missed out on some events because it was quite triggering and it was really hard to do. Quite often, if I'd go out with people, I'd be the first to go home. I wouldn't really want to stay out too late, especially when everyone else is on that level and you're not, it's not really enjoyable. But I think now down the line, I'm definitely more comfortable with it. I would happily go to a festival or some sort of like music event and be really comfortable being sober. So I don't feel like anything's changed now that I'm down the line a little bit, and I genuinely feel like I get a lot more out of life. It feels like there's an extra day in the week. There's just so much more good stuff going on, and I'm able to focus on my business, sort of my own development. There's just that I genuinely don't think there's any negatives to it apart from sort of the heightened emotions.

Fran: 31:07

Yes, you don't feel that you've had to leave anything behind that you're missing. My old self, but I don't miss that old self. Can you forgive your old self?

Megan: 31:19

Yeah, definitely. I think acceptance, like I said, is a huge part. I I think looking back on it, I completely understand why I did drink some of the things that I'd been through at a young age and even living alone as a young person, because I moved out when I was quite young. All of the stuff that I went through was totally valid for my reasons for drinking. It's just a shame that I I mean, I'm still young, so it's not like I've wasted much time, but it's a shame that it did take this long for me to realise how good life could be without it. But I'm actually just really grateful for I think social media, like following people who I saw were sober, and I'd always look at the post and go, I'm gonna do that one day. I know I am, I just don't know when. And you know, I knew that it would always be the best thing. There was never any doubt that it wouldn't be good for me. It was kind of just believing in myself that I could do it, and like I said, time just went on, more things happened, and enough was enough, really.

Fran: 32:12

How do you cope with going out? And this is kind of from a personal experience. So, how do you cope with going out and constantly getting asked what do you want to drink? and constantly almost not exactly judge, but almost getting looked down upon if it's not an alcoholic drink that you choose. How do you cope with that?

Megan: 32:35

I think sometimes I struggle when people say, Why don't you drink? I kind of give a different answer every time because there's so many, and I'm I'm in my head, I think, for what reason would I drink? And I definitely did get a lot of judgment at first. I think people just didn't understand, and like I said, some of my drinking was secretive. Some of the things I've mentioned on this episode that happened to me, I actually haven't told, you know, people in my family or my friends. So people didn't know, and there wasn't anyone actively pushing me to stop drinking. Oh, there wasn't anyone actively pushing me to stop drinking. There were people sort of saying, Oh, maybe you should cut down, you know, slow down, drink less. I don't think people really understood the seriousness of it. So sorry, I forgot what you asked me now.

Fran: 33:21

But when when you actually so you've actually stopped drinking, yeah, you know, and again, this is just a personal experience because I I choose now not to drink alcohol at all. And it's oh just one though. Why can't you just just have one? And I'm like, I've just said I don't, I just want some toilet water. You know. So how do you cope with that if they're going, oh just just one? Or you know, do you feel do you feel pressured at all?

Megan: 33:46

No, I don't actually. And I think for anyone to be around like that around you, you're probably not hanging around with the right people if they don't have your best interests at heart, or there is just that lack of understanding. When I first went into AA, I felt like it was my mission to try and get everyone on board and explain to them. Whereas now I understand that there is this huge divide and lack of understanding, and people's perceptions of AA and people who don't drink can be quite negative. It's not my job to try and sit there and explain to them because then I just sound like I'm preaching. Whereas I'm just doing it for me. So if someone's not particularly happy with that or you know, it doesn't better their night, then it's kind of a reflection on them. And I think some people, their negative reactions do kind of indicate that maybe it is a reflection on themselves and they know that they, you know, might need to cut down and it doesn't look good on them, which I don't judge at all. You know, I do it for my own reasons, but yeah, I feel like you've just got to, you know, stick with it. If you'd feel uncomfortable, get out of that situation. And that was a big thing for me at first was learning to just leave, leave, go upstairs, leave the night out at first. And I think, yeah, it felt uncomfortable because I didn't want to let people down or make people think that I was boring, but actually, it's not fun when you're the only one who is in it and everyone else is on a completely different level. Yeah.

Fran: 35:06

Or you end up the designated driver.

Megan: 35:08

Yeah, that used to happen a lot.

Fran: 35:10

Yeah, I know that one. Oh goodness. There's quite a lot to to unpack with a sober journey, isn't there? So I feel that this potentially there'd be things that you either remember or that you want to deal with that continue to to come out or to just come into your mind, but you've got ongoing support for that. Yeah. Because this this can't be a one and done, surely. There's gonna be things then once you've unpicked maybe one limiting belief or something that was holding you back, there's it maybe uncover something else.

Megan: 35:48

Yeah.

Fran: 35:48

So do you feel that you're gonna be able to deal with that?

Megan: 35:52

Yeah, and I was quite lucky actually. I mean, I had been having cognitive behavioural therapy for anxiety for yeah, going through that, like sort of in the depths of my drinking, where I'd kind of slowed down and made changes, but I didn't really make that connection between the two that actually my drinking probably was causing that anxiety. And luckily, I started therapy and things as well. So, although I'd already started my sort of sobriety journey, all these big life events happened, and I was like, oh my god, this is awful timing. Why is this happening now? Thankfully, I already had therapy in place as well. So the combination of, you know, going to meetings, working on myself, the therapy, just being able to get all of that out, the two went hand in hand together, where I just knew that I would be able to get through that. And now I know that stopping any of those things would not be good for me. So I've as long as I've got that in place in my routine, I know I'll be okay. And it was only a couple of weeks ago I was really unwell, couldn't get myself to meetings, couldn't work, you know, just sat on my phone consuming, you know, negative stuff. I very quickly just went really downhill because I just didn't have those things in place. And it's amazing what a routine can do for you.

Fran: 37:07

Yeah, so that that routine really helps you. What I was just thinking is that I've I've spoken to people who have quit smoking previously, not necessarily on the podcast, just generally I've spoken to people that have have quit smoking or that are in the process of doing so. And a lot of it around their habit and their addiction is the routine of maybe rolling something or having something to do with their hands, or that that it's done after a meal. So there's like it's almost like habit stacking, but but not in a in a way that does you any good. Yeah. So do you feel that with the with the alcohol, with with the alcohol consumption that you had, do you feel that any of that was habit stacks? So potentially one of them when you're getting ready for a night out and you've got the wine glass in hand, could have been the two things go together. Do you feel that there was anything else at all that went went together like that?

Megan: 38:01

I would say probably like after a stressful day at work or really tired, like getting a drink was something that I would do. And I still do it now with the non-alcoholic ones, and I feel a little bit guilty. I know there's you know nothing around that. It is completely different if you are someone who cannot have those because they're really triggering. I know they can be for some people. But yeah, I would say to be honest, I just completely replaced that with my fitness and just really focused on that. So that was kind of took over. I know that when I was drinking, I was not a smoker or someone who vaped when I didn't drink, but when I did, I used to do that a lot. And the relationship I was in at the time, you know, that person didn't particularly like that. So I was lying about that a lot, just being more sneaky, things like that. So yeah, I found that really hard. And I there was a situation recently where someone was vaping around me, and I said, Oh no, no, it doesn't bother me. And um, part of me felt like I wanted to say, Oh, can I have some, even though I wasn't drinking? And I thought, how dangerous could that be though? Because all it would take would be for me to say yes to that, and then before I know it, I'm saying yes to having a drink.

Fran: 39:10

Yeah. So it's identifying where your own triggers are, yeah, and having the resources to lean on to deal with that. Because I know that again, speaking to somebody that's that's sober, one of their triggers is the smell, but it's in a in a in a negative way, so they get irritated by people around them with the smell of alcohol. Yeah. And that ends up kind of potentially opening up their own guilt and yeah, you know, and then it sort of spirals, but it's it's the it's the association of the smell of it.

Megan: 39:42

Yeah, I can relate to that. And I think it was really hard at the time because I was already in a long-term relationship with someone who did drink, and it was very not like that. Was what we would do, we'd drink together. So for them to have that big change where I didn't, there were so many sort of like boundaries that for me felt like they were being crossed, but actually that was unfair for that person because I'd change. So, yeah, like the smell of alcohol being around someone who was who had had some drinks and their behaviour was you know naturally different, like it is for everyone, was like really triggering for me, and I didn't want to be around that. So, yeah, definitely that that does affect me as well. And I think sort of moving forwards, I definitely couldn't be with someone who did drink either a lot or considerably more than me. Our lifestyles would just be different, and I wouldn't be around, I wouldn't be able to be around that all the time and focus on the positive things that I'm doing. Yeah.

Fran: 40:37

Some of it's it's around that association, and we we can plant kind of almost unconscious anchors without realizing it. So that anchor of, you know, bad day, let's have a drink, or and it's being able to identify that and then possibly replace it with something that isn't detrimental to you. Yeah. Um, so for you being able to drink non-alcoholic drinks, potentially that still gives you the glass and that maybe the ice and the, you know, so it still gives you that kind of routine.

Megan: 41:10

Yeah. And it's um it's funny actually. One of my reasons when I was trying to stop drinking and I kept relapsing, and I was making excuses like you do, because I think when you're drinking, you're quite you make excuses for yourself. And I said, nope, that's it. I'm I'm not gonna be able to stop drinking. My reason is that I was a big beer drinker and they don't do non-alcoholic on draft anywhere, like it's really hard to find. I don't like it in the bottles, that's it, I'm not doing it, I'll just carry on drinking. So it's funny, like the things that you say to put in place, and you know, like having non-alcoholic drinks now is is great for me because you can still be involved and I do like the taste. So you feel like you're not, you know, the only thing that you're lacking is the alcohol, which I try and tell myself is a drug. So why am I why do I feel like I'm missing out just because I'm not getting a drug that's making me feel like I act different? I've still got the drink there, that's the only difference. So why do I need that? Do you think that it's true that people can have addictive personalities? Yes, I would say I do. I think, oh god, I think I'm so extreme and addictive in every single way. Whether it's, you know, the gym, I'm not someone who can go to the gym three times a week. I have to go every single day and I get upset if I can't go. At one stage in my life when I was younger, I had a shoplifting addiction, which is just crazy. Drugs as well, you know, different types of drugs, drinking, everything. So I think a lot of people in the AA rooms do have sort of addictive personalities like that. So it's really easy to see how people can go down those routes. And also it can be a good thing. I think some people think that it's not great if you go to the gym every single day and they think, oh, that's unhealthy, that's not good for you. But for me, if I'm doing that instead of drinking every day or these other negative addictions, then that works for me. And I feel, you know, I'm getting a lot of good things out of it. So it's fine by me.

Fran: 42:59

Yeah, I hear you on that. Um, not that I go to the gym every day. Uh it's it's a thought that I have, though, you know, to go. So I feel like I'm part way there. Um I I sort of I was thinking about it earlier actually before we spoke, and I was thinking, you know, I'll mention the addictive personality, and yeah, of course I haven't got one. Not everybody has one, but then I'm a little bit weird about food, like yeah, you know, so I I feel like possibly I I do have some things to address myself that potentially hold me back a little bit, you know, but not necessarily addictive. I don't know. I did again, I'm gonna get this completely muffed up, but I've I read something a little while ago that was something to do with some kind of thing that adrenaline seekers have that other people don't necessarily have. So your your high extreme sports or your bunge jumpers or you know that extreme kind of thing. I don't necessarily have that. I'm I'm a bit of a plodder, you know, quite happy just being comfortable and yeah, you know. So I do wonder sometimes whether with us being sort of multifaceted human beings, that there is a possibility that yes, there is a little addictive button in there somewhere and that somebody else literally just doesn't have it at all.

Megan: 44:16

Definitely. And I know that there's a really high link between sort of addictions and alcoholism and people with ADHD. I'm not diagnosed with ADHD, but I I think I need to get a diagnosis because I I really do feel quite strongly that I have it. And if I didn't, then there would be a lot of explaining to do. But I think sort of that addictive sort of personality would shine through in that as well. And there are a lot of people who are in that situation, so yeah, I'll have to see sort of down the line. Okay, thank you, Megan.

Fran: 44:46

Um right, so thank you for sharing your journey. I want to say courageous journey. How do you feel about anybody that says, oh, that's really brave, that's really courageous. Do you do you get offended by that or do you think that's a good thing?

Megan: 45:00

No, I think that's a good thing, and I think more people should be for me. I you know, I find it really easy to be vulnerable when telling these sort of stories because you know, I don't feel like it tarnishes my name or anything like that. I think people more look at wow, look at what she's doing now compared to what she was doing. So I know some people don't like to, you know, be open like that, but I do, and I think more people should be. Yeah. Sorry, I know, yeah, more people should be. It really helps me when I hear those sort of stories.

Fran: 45:29

So for me to say sharing your courageous journey, that's that's uplifting for you. Okay. So I believe as well that your story inspires us to pursue growth with honesty. So you've you're very open and honest. You were in the first podcast that we did together as well. For those curious about Megan and her business, you can find her at um www.procleancommercials.co.uk and on social media as at proclean commercials. Now I know since last time we spoke, you actually have got a big announcement to do with your business, haven't you?

Megan: 46:09

Yes. So we recently qualified for biohazard and specialist cleaning. So that sort of includes trauma cleaning, decomposition, needle sweeps, hoarder cleans, that sort of thing. So yeah, that's been really exciting because it's a big sort of shift from what we were doing before.

Fran: 46:28

Do you think that any of that decision to go through down that training route, because that's quite an intensive training to do, and it's quite specialized as well. Do you feel that any of it is based on your own journey?

Megan: 46:41

Yeah, I definitely felt for like for a long time in the sort of cleaning industry, like the work I was doing maybe wasn't being appreciative, appreciated enough. I think definitely when you're sort of going into an office and you've got people leaving their cups everywhere, they just take it for granted. It's not viewed in that sort of high sense. So I really wanted to do something where we could help people that are really struggling. And we will definitely be working hand in hand with people for going through addiction, mental health support, and that sort of thing. So hopefully it can really make a difference. And I'm actually really looking forward to giving something back and working directly with those people as well. Even in the sense of sort of like the hoarding cleans, there's a sort of method that you go through to support that person and be their sort of buddy and you know, reassure them that forget about the work that all the cleaners are doing, you know, don't worry about that. I'm here to support you. What can we do to make this better for you? What do you want to keep? What do you want to throw away? So even that sort of um one-to-one interaction that I haven't been able to have before in my work would be really good to have as well.

Fran: 47:43

And would this be based on a business-to-business basis? So possibly a company hires you, or would it be personal, like one-to-one?

Megan: 47:54

Um, either. So it might be private if, say, you've got someone. Private, that's the word. Sorry. It might be so unfortunate, but obviously, if you've lost someone, you're going through a bereavement, you know, someone in the family still has to arrange, you know, the cleaning to be done. So it might be that sort of sense, or we could be working with like social services, the council, housing associations, that sort of thing. So either. Okay. Thank you.

Fran: 48:17

Just for that clarification, and for giving me the word that I couldn't find as well. So if you're interested in more content like this, be sure to visit www.melancolymentor.com and follow us for the latest update. So that's me. Until next time, stay curious, keep igniting your creative potential. Go and find Megan and also check out season two, episode three of this podcast, because that's when we talk more, Megan talks more about her actual business. Thank you very much, Megan, for being here today. Thank you for having me. And sharing your story. And hopefully it's gonna just not only inspire people, but just show that firstly, if you're you've not had any experience with with alcohol or you know, being an alcoholic, but you can now look and look at that with different eyes or hear the stories with with different ears. Just that there's a there's a person you know that's that's struggling for for various reasons. And if you are either sober, congratulations, or you're on a sober journey, then this could potentially give you some tools and resources to help you along your way. So thank you very much, Megan. Thank you for having me. Bye. Bye. Thank you for joining me on the Melancholy Coaching Podcast. I'd love you to subscribe for queries or to connect, email info at melancholymentor.com. Until next time, keep igniting your creative potential.